These days everyone is talking about conspiracy theories and trying to find out who is in the secret conspiracy that controls everything. Some say it is Davos Man, but surely he can’t do it all on his own? Some say it’s the illuminati; others cite a rather boring man called George Soros who looks and sounds like someone at home in the impenetrable back pages of the Financial Times. But today, we at LSS can reveal that the real conspirators are the same they have always been. The Movers and the Shakers, and the Great and the Good. (although some claim to be in more than one of these categories at the same time) It’s about time that the Ordinary Citizen learned more about them. So you can recognise one in the street and, if possible, pointedly ignore them in a hostile way.

A note before we start The Movers and the Shakers, the first two rungs in the career ladder, are not to be confused with the 1960s California Soft Rock band of the same name whose hit single Baby I want your Love was the sound track for a whole generation who passed their golden youth in ancient camper vans on the golden beaches of places like La Jolla and Malibu.

Movers Can easily be recognised because they still inhabit the kind of flats they lived in when they were students, except now they own the flats and rarely wear baseball caps. Because their company/career/practice is in its early stages they still talk to people they knew at University. May even occasionally be seen at places like La Jolla, although the van is massively improved,. Hoping to become a…

Shaker By this time the company/career/practice is doing so well they can afford the all the extra houses/cars/mistresses that reinforce their new status. Do not expect Christmas cards/birthday cards/second wedding invitations from them any more. Quick to exalt the virtues of people like themselves who have made it big, they are longing to be called to a Selection Board in order to join the next stage, commonly known as :

The Great Yes, there are boards and examinations which you have to pass to reach this stage. But the questions are not like those in ordinary exams, such as “which is the largest copper-exporting country in South America?” or “integrate the function y=Cos x³-8 x^1/2-4x”. Instead the questions are “are you going to Glyndebourne this year? or “were you at Rupert’s party in the Hamptons? Isn’t Piers Morgan one helluva guy?” One thing to know: the Great would never, ever, even be seen dead on beaches in places like La Jolla, however luxuriously-appointed was the camper van. But their major trouble is that they have spent so much time preparing for their role that they have learned nothing useful which might help them to do it. Which is way they make such a mess of things. And the hours are dreadful; if you are Great, your life is no longer your own. So many of them cannot wait to resign, and go as soon as possible to the last stage:

The Good Once upon a time being the Good was best of all. There were senior roles in things like the Arts Council or even your own 14-part cultural series on BBC2. Nowadays, with all these shopping channels and the internet, such gigs are few and far between. Instead they spend their time running international Institutes which nobody can see the point of. Or writing long newspaper articles which nobody reads, because the author is no longer Prime Minister, and never will be again. Apart from that, they just fret in case those ghastly locals build a caravan site on a hill which overlooks their villa in Tuscany. They have villas in Tuscany because they are far too old for beach life-especially among the heavy waves of La Jolla.

So now you know, you have two choices. You could Rise in Righteous Indignation and overthrow them. But; someone’s got to to do the job, why would you be any better? And do you you really want to give up your old camper van, with its digitally remastered tracks like Baby I want your love, just to fly to Davos and endure a string quartet?

No, we thought not.

#george soros #illuminati #conspirators #davos man #the great and the good #movers and shakers #malibu #la jolla